Be Here Now: How? A Practical Conclusion

“You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestation of your own blessings.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

So far, I’ve shared my thoughts on why awareness is important and I’ve detailed a few strategies for staying awake: (1) minimizing distractions, the biggest of which for many is technology, (2) filling our lives with the kind of beauty to which we must attend, and (3) being conscious of what’s going on behind the scenes of our pain that will lead us to peace. Now I’d like to offer a few tips and daily practices to help some of this stuff stick. 

Daily planner by Jazmin Quaynor

1. Get familiar with the inner workings of your mind.

I want to be as familiar with my cerebral quirks as I am with my color arranged closet, or my container laden refrigerator, or the face my husband makes when he’s just lied about eating junk food. To that end, I adopted a practice I read about in Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way of writing 3 pages every morning as soon as I wake up. It's such a beneficial exercise, as I’m able to de-clutter, separate genuine insights and desires from superfluous rambling, and better understand how my mind works. I can see the nature of my complaints, assumptions, responses, inner dialogue and even my neurosis (the closet and refrigerator situations should have been red flags). The point is not to change any of it initially (I have found that will come) but just to see there are some definite patterns.

2. Set intentions and periodically regroup.

Throughout the day, I set intentions about what I am going to attend to. I do it in the morning when I wake up and many times thereafter. I impose frequent quiet times for myself to re-prioritize. These days, that means my 3-year old plays with her stuffed animals and takes a break from trying to tear down the house. When I was knee-deep in corporate grief, err achievement, it meant walking to Starbucks for a cup of tea. Regardless, everyone needs a periodic woo-saa or we’re just running around in circles without focus. Certainly the to-do list can’t be so rigid that we miss a golden unicorn should it appear (they’re real, without question), but being intentional and deliberate about how to use our attention is some grown woman stuff (just like the epic breast push in Beyonce's Who Runs the World video at about 2:30. Grown. Woman. Stuff.). 

3. Think of attention as a resource.

No way we can pay attention to everything nor should we try. The goal is to pay attention to the right things – the things that matter to us. Knowing what matters takes some self-awareness, in addition to some hindsight and foresight as to past and best-guess future sources of joy and regret (let’s put those super-powers to work - not to define but to suggest). Besides my Morning Pages practice which is wonderful at piecing together a lot of that, I also do a fair amount of reading and reflection. There comes a point at which one can reasonably rely on her own wisdom, but to the extent that someone else’s story gives more meaning and perception to your own, reading can be quite helpful. I also make it a point to seek out and to pay attention to anything that stirs my soul, not all of which is necessarily good. If you’ve ever been jealous, for example, you know that it’s as soul-stirring as a first date, and as revealing. Keeping tabs on what’s important allows me to direct my attention to those areas and given that attention is limited, efficiency is good.

4. Give three thanks.

I watched a TED talk on being happier and at the end of a very humorous 15-or-so minute presentation, psychologist Shawn Achor shared a few specific strategies. One of them was to write down three new things you are grateful for each day for 21 days in an effort to reprogram your brain to seek out positivity. I gave it a shot and found I was indeed happier but it was because I began to be more aware of things to be grateful for as those things were happening. I started out reflecting at the end of each day, remembering those little sources of thankfulness, but as I continued with the practice, I was soon able to not only spot them more readily but to do so in the present moment too. One of the easiest brain hacks to quickly generate optimism and awareness ever.

5. Practice.

I attended a Zen center recently with my husband. I had visions of reaching a state of nirvana and communing with monks over ginger infused tea. Instead, I spent a 30-minute meditation period wondering whether the birds chirping just outside the window preferred worms or seeds. It turns out that simply paying attention isn’t simple at all. The running commentary in my head is kind of like white noise in the background of my life – sometimes subtle, sometimes overwhelming, but ever present – like laundry, as I think about it. Clearly, I’m a work in progress and, at this point in my life, I’m okay with that. Slowing down, noticing the things that matter, watching thoughts, letting things be as they are without a past or future and the rigid interpretations that come with each, takes practice. I’m loving the word cultivation these days because it implies process, journey, empowerment and self-direction, all of which are counter to instant gratification but in perfect harmony with eventual mastery. Every single time I find myself moving too quickly or missing the important things, I just bring myself back and reset. No self-berating required…ever.

So that’s it…not an exhaustive list but hopefully a helpful one. Would love to hear some of your tips for staying woke too! :-)

Love in all things,

April Eileen

Be Here Now: How? Follow the Pain

“Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty. It’s the profound connection to everything.”

— Madeleine, Collateral Beauty

Overwhelming Unconsciousness

My mother is a mortician. Once upon a time, she had the great misfortune of performing her rather unique skillset on a very young child. The child was not killed by an illness or a freak accident, but by her mother. When she shared the story with me, my reaction surprised me. The tale is anything but lovely. It exists outside the fringes of what is acceptable in our society and breaks our rules to the most extreme degree. I was just as likely as the next person to react with judgment and anger and to sanctimoniously discuss what a terrible person the mother must have been and how I – benevolent as I am, pillar of patience, model of compassion – could never have done something so heinous.

On this day, however, empathy prevailed. An idea materialized out of the ethers that being understanding toward this person did not imply being any less heartbroken about her actions. This mother was young and managing her new and challenging role alone. I scrolled through my own mental rolodex and remembered how real and debilitating post-partum depression and grief was for me, and that, but for the needs of my premature baby, I may not have been saved from myself. I recalled how I fought….against everything – NICU nurses, my family, even my daughter – because I just didn’t want any of it to be part of our story. I thought about my strong support system and the fact that I could cry and vent and, even now, go out and get a cup of tea when the child-rearing struggle gets too real. I couldn’t imagine having some of the feelings or difficulties I had without the tools to properly manage them. I was, of course, saddened at the thought of such a young life being snuffed out before she shared her gifts with the world but as I thought about it, that fact was true of both the child and the mother. I saw pain, I saw severe duress, I saw overwhelming unconsciousness. “I can’t judge her,” I said to my distressed mother. “How much pain must she have been in then…and now?”

Distressed by Milada Vigerova

Pain is prolific. Human beings are in a near constant state of disquietude. It may be obvious, full-on agony – the kind that never escapes recognition and to which, despite our best efforts, we are never oblivious. Or it may be covert – that mild irritation that manifests itself in nail biting or stress eating or insidious gossiping (a tactic that allows not only for ignorance but superiority…bonus). Regardless of the expression, we are usually clueless about what’s really going on. Rather than understand the feelings, most of our energies are used in trying to escape them and the painful present of which they are a part.  

Rooting Out Expectations

If the love of money is the root of all evil, the clinging to expectations has to be the root of all unhappiness. Our minds, resourceful as they are, have an uncanny ability to apply our understanding of the past and manufacture ideas of what the present should be. That’s great, if we’re trying to efficiently make sense of the world but being married to those ideas doesn’t allow for much vision, creativity, or necessary change to occur.

We want our often lofty and unrealistic should bes to be met with precision. If life complies, we are elated, but if it disobeys or even if it fails to acquiesce in the way we have outlined, we become disappointed and fail to see reality. Relationships should be in constant harmony so we lash out when they fall short. We don’t see that our soul mate is not the one that makes us perpetually blissful but the one that helps us to learn the most about ourselves. Time should be our own so we fret when our small children won’t play independently and we still don’t have clean hair. We don’t see that we could learn from those small children, who are generally contented (notwithstanding a tantrum or two) precisely because they have no enduring expectations of contentedness. We should be able to sleep in so we’re upset about the early meeting that was called at the last minute and we don’t see the gift of a quiet moment and a drive to work lit by a perfect sunrise. We don’t see… In our constant state of restlessness, carried by the tumultuous wind of expectations – sometimes high, but mostly low, and without the slightest bit of self-direction - we don’t see.

Blind by Nicole Mason

Finding Peace

So how do we exist in a reality that is painful? We consciously follow the pain, that is, with an intention to see it and not to get lost in it. Rather than run, follow the tears, the irritation, the anger, the aggression, the frustration, the stomach tightness, the clenched teeth, all of it. Those reactions are prompts to look just under the surface. There we find the assumptions, the harboring of which is causing the pain in the first place. We question them, make necessary adjustments, learn and go on to more consciously direct our lives with the wisdom that only comes with clear vision. We can respond properly, make proactive choices, and discover the valuable things we need right now.

That is the acceptance to which wise people refer as the solution to ending suffering – a moratorium on fighting against what’s there by trying to insert what should be there. Accepting discomfort doesn’t mean being happy about it. It means bringing awareness to it. It means feeling it without being consumed by it, recognizing our resistant thoughts and actions without clinging to them, and operating in a reality apart from the expectant ones we have created in our minds. It means finding the peace that rests on the decision to let go of our expectations and to see. Then we can accept that this hurt is part of our story, and the wound ceases to bleed. 

Reflection by Sunset Girl

A Final Word

In truth, there is very little difference between me and the young mother I described. I simply had the tools to restrain many of my reactions long enough to face what was actually there. She did not. Through that realization, I was gifted with a split second of understanding and I was able to see her, in spite of her heartbreaking offense – still fighting, still restless, still hurting, and still utterly exhausted. If I could have talked to her, I would have said, "there is beauty in pain, tenderness in that which is broken, an opportunity to connect and love in our shared human experience – an experience that includes the lessons of both joy and pain. You are here...right now, you are here. You need only look through the tears and see."

Fading flowers by Daria Shevtsova

Love in all things,

April Eileen

Be Here Now: How? With Offers You Can't Refuse

“Thy light alone like mist o’er mountains driven,
Or music by the night-wind sent
Through strings of some still instrument,
Or moonlight on a midnight stream,
Gives grace and truth to life’s unquiet dream. ”

— Percy Bysshe Shelley, Hymn to Intellectual Beauty

Lan Su by Aaron Clay

Lan Su Chinese Garden – a haven of peace and tranquility “designed to inspire, facilitate personal growth, and spark creativity,” according to its website – is located in the middle of the busy bustle and noisy mayhem of downtown Portland. Artisans from Suzhou in China’s Jiangsu province modeled Lan Su after their own historic Ming Dynasty gardens, which were intended to be spiritual utopias for their visitors and inhabitants. So why construct such a place downtown? It turns out the decision was very purposeful. The garden is meant to provide a bit of a break from the hustle of everyday city life, which is a concept I found interesting. While it is nice to wholly escape the perpetual grind (vacation, please?), finding calm in the midst of the storm is the order of the day for most of us.

Chinese guzheng by Aaron Clay

Lan Su turned out to be just as described – a bit of a respite. When I stepped inside the inner courtyard, the pandemonium of car horns and barking dogs and cabs zipping to and fro faded into the background and were replaced with the serene melody of a traditional Chinese guzheng. Flowers and plants of all kinds bloomed and shared their fragrant fortunes, and stones on the ground were perfectly arranged to create pretty little pictures. The gurgles of Lake Zither beckoned us to come and listen a bit more closely and to watch the koi fish play. I walked a little further and looked up to discover rows of beautifully decorated drip tiles. I was told that each tile allows a single droplet of rain at a time to fall to create a pearl-like curtain of showers (wow). A little more wandering and I found myself in a structure – The Reflections in Clear Ripples Pavilion – that was named for the reflections of light that are cast upon it as a result of the way the sunlight hits the water upon which it sits. A little further still and I stumbled upon detailed reliefs inspired by traditional stories, lines of poetry written on columns in calligraphy with Chinese characters, and blooming lotus flowers swaying contentedly in the water. Around every corner was the evidence of ardent dedication to beauty.

Lotus flowers by Aaron Clay

I’ve been thinking a lot about presence lately and my experience at Lan Su reminds me that beauty has a significant role to play. I was able to attend to, and rather easily, the minutest details in front of me despite the ever-present commotion just outside the garden walls. How could I account for such acute awareness? Certainly, I was on vacation and my mind was clearer than usual. I had walked barefoot across tilted stones and my Qi was flowing more freely. There was the green tea that I had had at the teahouse. It could have been any of those things but I suspect the extraordinary beauty of those minute details had a lot to do with it too. Lesson learned.

Filling life with more of the beautiful things from which one cannot possibly turn away is as brilliant a strategy as any for staying more awake. Plus it’s proactive and requires us to exercise our abilities and power to bring our desires to life. We must look for those lovely things in which to indulge and if we can’t find them, we must necessarily create them. As I’m sure the Chinese artisans I now hold in such high esteem would attest, cultivating beauty takes time and attention but it’s a worthwhile pursuit and important for its own sake. How much effort was required to build The Reflections in Clear Ripples Pavilion so wonderfully? How much awareness was required to perceive the details necessary to authentically name it as such? How many people have been enriched when they see those reflections tell their story?

Most of us are not able to maintain a constant state of Zen, finding bliss and harmony all around us. It’s there but our tantrum-throwing toddlers or attitudinal teenagers or difficult bosses or crazy schedules keep us from seeing it. We do have available moments, however, and so much can happen in a moment. We can take a moment to perfectly plate and add a little color to our dinner. We can take a moment to put a few sprigs of lavender under our pillows. We can take a moment to grab some wildflowers and stick them in that plastic bottle we were going to throw away (how’s that for up-cycling). We can also see beyond the tantrums, the attitudes, the difficulty and the craziness and find the beautiful truth. We can fill our lives with a little more beauty, every moment of every day and I believe that beauty will reward us with something precious in return – open eyes.

Love in all things, 

April Eileen