April Eileen 2/1/18 April Eileen 2/1/18

The Year of Inspired Action

“Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity, this moment of honesty. The world’ll feel my truths…” — Jay Z, The Black Album

It’s been a while, I know, and I sincerely apologize for the delay in posting. At the beginning of each year, I tend to take time to reflect. I identify motivations, desires, and goals. I’m a list person and this process often ends with additions to my bucket list, updates to my values list, and, of course, a concrete list of goals for the new year. After all, things become much more achievable when they are better defined, right? Oh yeah, and I always buy a new planner. Oh joy, oh rapture!

“Thank God for granting me this moment of clarity, this moment of honesty. The world’ll feel my truths…”

— Jay Z, The Black Album

This year has been somewhat different, however. Aside from tackling the familiar obstacle of analysis paralysis, I noticed something during the process that I haven’t been faced with in years past. My list of concrete goals looked substantially the same as it did last year. And it wasn’t because I hadn’t done anything noteworthy in 2017 or before. I had started a business that I now had to grow and sustain. I had begun to write more and pursue more creativity and I wanted to cultivate those things. I had come to value my mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wellness and I wanted to continue. I had made a contribution in my volunteer efforts and wanted to see them through. I had a relationship with a good guy that I wanted to nurture. And I had a beautiful daughter with whom I wanted to strengthen a bond and help develop.

What gives? It seems all works were in progress. Now what? I quickly realized that it was less about the concrete goals for me this year but what was it about? How was I to continue to evolve? And then it hit me. I was gifted with one of those clear-as-a-bell, 30,000-foot, bigger picture perspectives (Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu refers to them as “God’s eye-views”…I love that). April, you must work on your attitude, I thought. This year is not about the what - the specific goals - but about the how - how I will get out of my own way and approach my life so I can actually bring all my dreams into fruition. I have all of the colors, the brushes in hand, and the perfect lighting to craft a beautiful masterpiece but my attitude is what needs work and the things that I want to accomplish hang in the balance. Whether I wield my brushes proactively or reactively or with positivity or negativity and whether I color my canvas with joy or anger, fear or love is up to me.

The ability to pursue my gifts with all the vigor I can muster, for example, depends on whether I let my morbid (and it is morbid) fear of failure get in the way. It shows up as procrastination, lack of forward movement, wishi-washiness and an inability to make decisions, and even obsessive perfectionism and, ironically, those very behaviors are almost sure to bring about the very failure I so desperately want to avoid. Similarly, whether or not I end up with a loving and supportive companionship with my husband depends greatly on whether I cultivate love and support and friendship or whether I hold grudges, overreact, and defend a sense of self that isn’t even real. The list goes on but one thing is clear - my attitude is my choice.

I choose to be steady rather than to constantly react - letting every little set back, every traffic jam, every tantrum and tiny thing steal bits and pieces of my peace and joy and contentment. I resolve to remain on the path to self-mastery in the midst of highs and lows. I decide to preserve my energy and to use it as a precious resource on the things that matter most. I aim for a wide open heart. And I intend to act from that inspired place - a place of positivity and grace and compassion and honesty and gratitude and giving and ultimately of love. I ask the universe for the help to remember my decisions at each and every moment of each and every day so that I can move closer to the expression of my own soul. Amen. It’s February and the year is officially in full swing. I appreciate your support this year. I struggle, as I’m sure you do too but you guys are my sisters and I am humbled to serve you.

Love in all things,

April Eileen

UPDATE (1.12.25): Wow, so much has changed in the details here but the basics remain the same…I continue to be invited into evolution of character, shifts in ways of being. And I suspect that is really the point. Over the years, I have certainly asked myself what I want to do, but the most rewarding shifts tend to come when I ask who I want to be, or better when I recognize who I am becoming?

April Eileen 1/1/18 April Eileen 1/1/18

A Holiday Hindsight and a Look Ahead

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life” — Socrates

Christmas chaos. Hanukkah hustle. Kwanzaa confusion. Whatever your particular end of year commemoration, frenzy has become a generally accepted part of it. This holiday season, in particular, has been one of the busiest I’ve had in some time. The funny thing is I did everything right. I traveled to be with family. I baked and decorated cookies with my daughter. I took her to see every light and decoration in town. I threw a festive holiday party. I read the jolliest of short stories and watched classic Christmas movies. I wrapped gifts all evening to ensure our living room looked magical. I cut down my own friggin’ Christmas tree (and by me, I mean my husband…it still counts). And I did it all with the sounds of Pentatonix playing as my own personal soundtrack. We even woke up to a blustery white Christmas. And yet, even with all of that, the Christmas spirit eluded me. I got glimpses of the magic, but mostly I was exhausted.

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life”

— Socrates

I spent the last week of December holed up in an Airbnb sans kid gathering my wits about myself. Besides laying in bed until the early afternoon hours and brushing the occasional potato chip crumb out of the bed, I also did a good deal of thinking. While my holiday efforts may have seemed perfectly in order, I clearly missed the mark and an impending new year has a way of making one resolve to make changes.

In the fall, I posted a beautiful picture my husband took of our historic neighborhood. The photo inspired me because everything in it pointed to preparations for deep and replenishing rest. We were entering a season of inherent respite. The leaves did indeed fall, the squirrels undoubtedly reaped the benefits of burying and then digging up food in our front yard, and the snow brought on a kind of quiet. The juxtaposition of this calm natural environment and the chaotic one to which we were just about to expose ourselves became apparent. I began to think about our recent ancestors and what they may have been doing at this time in the past. Their year, revolving largely around agriculture, would have been over at the harvest. As the days became shorter, temperatures dropped, and there was less demanding work and probably also resources that needed to be conserved, they might have valued things like togetherness, safety, warmth, and light. Well, I must have forgotten my own sentiments because my days – filled with frenzy, as usual – did not mesh well at all with the ones just outside my door.

As the last of the Amazon Prime boxes were delivered to my house, so conveniently and in only 2 days, gift giving seemed to be even less meaningful and the last twinkle of my holiday season morphed into total absurdity. What was I doing? My kid is three and can see the magic in just about everything. Why buy 50 gifts when she’d be just as pleased with that empty jar of peanut butter I just threw away? Why subject my husband to a frazzled wife or my family to a stressed out member? Do cookies even taste good when they’re baked begrudgingly?

I began to wonder, am I listening to the messages all around me? What are the cues from my world? What is my body telling me? What are my deepest inclinations? Am I in need of excitement or rest? Am I working with or against my environment and what is it requesting of me? What can I do to make this day more special? What does my soul need right now? More snuggles, a cup of tea and a woosaa, some candles and tunes, or simply a nap?

My energy is sacred and I allowed it to be zapped. Who knows how far the ripples of that permeate? As I go into 2018, it will be with an insistence upon expanding my own energy, an ultimate form of self-care and of care for others. I hope to hear the truth that blares constantly and from so many sources. I hope to act on those truths with fervor and commitment and without fear. I hope for more purposeful, more beautiful, more love infused days and holidays alike. Most of all, I’d love to see the effects of ripples like that. Happy New Year, everyone!

Love in all things,

April Eileen

April Eileen 12/25/17 April Eileen 12/25/17

Holiday Pancakes and Pajamas Gallery

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.” — Charles Dickens

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! Check out the full gallery of photos from our Holiday Pancakes and Pajamas event. We had such a wonderful time. We began the morning drinking hot cocoa and crafting festive notes to surprise loved ones and perfect strangers alike just to spread a little holiday cheer. The competition got fierce as we tested our holiday movie knowledge with trivia questions and even a few rounds of charades. We watched Angela Foster of Coffee and (____) make some truly special pancakes, made vegan and with organic ingredients. We topped it all off with a pancake breakfast, some festive Christmosas (champagne and sparkling apple cider, garnished with cranberries, green apples, green grapes and pomegranate seeds), and plenty of merriment! If you weren't able to attend, take a peek at Coffee and (_____)'s signature pancake recipe below and try them out yourself. Yums! Wishing you all a beautiful holiday season!

“There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”

— Charles Dickens

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! Check out the full gallery of photos from my Holiday Pancakes and Pajamas event. We had such a wonderful time. We began the morning drinking hot cocoa and crafting festive notes to surprise loved ones and perfect strangers alike just to spread a little holiday cheer. The competition got fierce as we tested our holiday movie knowledge with trivia questions and even a few rounds of charades. We watched Angela Foster of Coffee and (____) make some truly special pancakes, made vegan and with organic ingredients. We topped it all off with a pancake breakfast, some festive Christmosas (champagne and sparkling apple cider, garnished with cranberries, green apples, green grapes and pomegranate seeds), and plenty of merriment! If you weren't able to attend, take a peek at Coffee and (_____)'s signature pancake recipe below and try them out yourself. Yums! Wishing you all a beautiful holiday season!

welcome!

by Pauline Kalaj