Because It's My WOK!

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. ”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stuffies at a party by Ron Lach

Once upon a time, in a moment of extra-real mom frazzle, I found my then toddler sitting in the middle of our breakfast nook, surrounded by ginormous puddles of water and overturned cups and spoons sprawled all over the table and floor. “What are you doing?!?” I asked in a slightly raised (okay, very raised) voice. I wasn’t especially interested in the answer as much as in making a point - she was doing something that needed to stop immediately. “Why are you making such a big mess with all this water?” I asked in horror and desperation. “Because it’s my WOK (toddler speak for ‘work’)!” she retorted, understanding on some level that using the word “work” was the only way I would grasp the gravity of what she was doing.

I understood on some level. After all, if Life and Lovely Things could have existed in 1986, my 5-year old self would certainly have tried to build it. My daughter Loved to use her hands. She would transfer pretty much anything from one container to another - dirt, beads, flour, water, you name it. It was her absolute jam, part of her divine contribution to the world, a showcasing of her natural gifts. I put down a tarp, and let her continue.

I believe children are tiny sages walking among us, an important part of the human community, tasked with helping us remember who we are. As I study my own, I’m not sure work and play were ever meant to be compartmentalized things. Years and a million iterations of “you can’t play until your work is done” have created a separation between work and play where I don’t think one naturally exists. Not only that, we’ve collectively elevated work, though the word seems to carry a heavy energy for those of us who have had our bodies used for years on behalf of production - a sense that something is going to be hard and unsatisfying, draining us of our life force. Children haven’t yet learned to separate, to take on the drudgery of what we adults refer to as “work,” and when they’re very small, they haven’t yet downgraded play. So when my daughter used the word, she was simply trying to convey that what she was doing was important (that much she had grasped), meaningful enough to require her attention. What I called play, she called work, and the difference was a matter of importance.

Aren’t we in the best position to define what is important to us, where we will place our attention, how we will use our gifts? Isn't it time we start to unravel the play/work dichotomy, which isn’t a dichotomy at all? Is play frivolous and inconsequential? Is work serious and critical? Are joy and gravity, pleasure and practicality, mutually exclusive ideas? If you’ve ever watched a child playing, it seems not. They are in a state of flow - there is joy, certainly, and also a focus and presence, the likes of which would make any supervisor swoon. They are quite serious about it. Serious enough to call it “work.” Serious enough to cry insistently, “but we’re playing,” when it’s time to run errands or clean something, as though adults should just get it. Serious enough to get lost in time and space. Now clearly dishes need to be washed, floors swept, and bills paid. But I believe it is possible to start to blur the lines between work and play, such that life itself becomes a more joyful experience - to play meaningfully, to get a little more light-hearted about work (“just a spoonful of sugar,” folks), and to release our expectations about which is which.

Play blocks by Suzy Hazelwood

But first, we must choose. We must decide, and keep deciding, what is meaningful enough to merit our precious attention - our creativity, focus, care, talent, and joy. In that way, we get about the work of creating our lives in the same way we created tea parties, played dress-up, and built towers as children. And what could be more meaningful than that?

Love in all things,

April

P.S. BTW, the toddler is now 10 and still Loves to use her hands. A true maker, she’s crafting fairy houses, designing clothes, and building forts. She’s also quite enterprising. The kid will make a dollar. I’m excited to see how her story unfolds (and mine :-)).

Love Inspired, Love Expressed

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”

— Henry David Thoreau

You got this by Binti Malu

We’re women bringing our dreams to life and that is epic! Simply being on this path is a gift unto itself but sometimes we can get snagged along the way. We second-guess or want miraculous signs from the heavens assuring us our ideas will work. We are distracted by thousands of little life things and get disconnected from our vision. We “don’t have time” though we still manage to binge watch an entire season of [insert delightful Netflix series here]. We don't want to fail but more than that, we don't want people to know we failed. We don’t want to endure the side-eyes, the judgment, the criticism, the condescending advice, the gossip…the rejection. So while our blogs, social media pages, or networking endeavors go neglected, we perpetually map out 3 year plans, endlessly update websites, and question whether ‘vision’ or ‘goals’ is a more compelling word for that last line of copy. In short, we pretty much ensure the results we’re trying to avoid. 

This is actually normal. I really wish someone had told me that as it might have helped me live with a bit less shame and a bit more grace. As children, rejection could have earned us, at the very least, a frown from the person feeding us and, once upon a time in our biological history, it could have gotten us killed. We can be afraid and move forward anyway. Certainly, we can and should do the internal work to help us move through our fears sustainably; AND we can temper our fear with Love all along the way. It is that focus on Love that will take us on a path of confronting and moving through fears anyway.

This is a path of devotion and commitment. Commitment…eeek! I get it. Before you run, let me just share a few thoughts. First, I have learned commitment in service to Love - to desire, to joy, to something worthwhile and meaningful to us - is legit. It’s not as heavy in that light and shifts the way we feel about it. Second, I prefer to think of commitment not just as an isolated choice, but as a state of being. We become committed as we choose to act in little ways again and again. So don’t worry about making a grandiose declaration that seals your fate forever more. Just deepen in the doing. Finally, commitment is a serious antidote to that fear of rejection thing. Ever notice when you're committed to something, you make mistakes with it ALL THE TIME? You had a kid and while you've become fairly adept at keeping said kid alive, everything short of that is chaos. You bought a house and fight squirrels every year as they dig holes in your yard looking for nut stashes. You told your partner, in a moment of misdirected honesty, you didn't like a particular gift and we all know how that turned out. You're rejected, look like an idiot, and face failure daily…and you're right back at it tomorrow. 

While I don’t want any of us to look like idiots as we bring our creations into the world (lol), Love-led commitment is magic and I so want magic for us. I want us to be energized by desire and joy to choose worthy goals and to produce impeccable work and all the good that can come from the full expression of our talents, abilities, gifts, and interests. I want us to be inspired and to learn in community. I want us to show up as creators in Love, as much for the mundane tasks as for the big wins because it matters. It matters. You matter.

Love in all things,

April Eileen

Purpose Part 2: Listening

“For the sense of being which in calm hours rises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them, and proceeds obviously from the same source whence their life and being also proceed.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

I recently wrote a post about finding purpose and discussed ways I began to discover who I was and what I wanted. It has been rewarding to hone in but I’m learning that’s just the beginning. Now that I have the what, my focus is on the how. How do I express myself and bring my desires into being? There are dozens of books on the subject of goal setting, effective execution, etc. and I will likely get to those subjects in time. For now, I’d like to talk about an important step I had to take even before I could do any of that.

I had to figure out how to hear myself. What was true? Should I follow my gut reaction? Was that intuition or something else? I had to learn to listen and I don’t mean the kind of listening you do with earbuds. I mean listening to your whole being with every resource you can bring to bear until you are intimate with yourself…every second, every minute, every hour, every day. That’s the goal. Idealistic? Sure. Impossible? I wouldn’t be striving for it if I thought so. I’m coming to recognize my voice and I gotta tell ya – it ain’t the voice that tells me what I should be doing to avoid being afraid, or the voice that over-analyses everything trying to prove nothing will work, or the voice that encourages me to chase what is logical but certainly not aligned with me. The more I recognize myself, the more I begin to trust me and the more confident I am in acting on my truth. I listen. I listen to what’s in my heart-space and here are a few of my go-to methods for doing it:

• Meditation and quiet moments. No-brainer, right? I went about meditation a bit differently from the way I’d heard it was done. When I first began, I didn’t try to shut my brain up. Instead, I tried to hear what was going on up there. It helped me recognize mind chatter and allowed me to become much more familiar with my thought patterns. Shortly thereafter, I was able to more easily see actual insights. These days the latter is what I’m after, along with much needed peace, but if I have a restless morning, I don’t berate myself. I figure it’s just my mind needing some attention so I simply listen as I did when I first began. Check out Calm if you’re interested in starting a practice.

Be still and know mug and book by Aaron Burden

• Morning Pages. This has got to be the single coolest thing I discovered from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It’s basically a 3-page stream of consciousness written at an ungodly hour in the morning. Waking up 30-45 minutes earlier than I normally would to do a brain dump might sound like one of Dante’s 9 levels of hell but it is incredibly helpful for so many reasons. First, it allows me to offload heavy and negative thoughts (I have two young kids so many times, I pick them all back up again during the day but that’s a different post). Second, it helps me sort through all the to-do’s that clutter up the mind and distract. Third, and this may just be me, but writing when I first wake up allows me to tap into something that is long gone when I’m in the throes of the afternoon hours. It’s something that is far less inhibited and far more intuitive and often some really creative things come up – ideas, solutions hidden in plain sight, etc. Finally, I can see what’s really important. I may write very clearly and passionately about a particular subject or it may come up often – all indicators that I should think about it more or do something about it.

• Do what you love. This is not a big grandiose statement proclaiming that there is one thing to which you must commit your entire existence. In fact, taking the approach of over-analyzing every interest, every personality trait, every insight to discover the one big thing I was supposed to do had me on a treadmill for like 15 years. I’m simply suggesting grabbing the forgotten paint brush, taking an improv class, or playing around with that Excel spreadsheet (okay, I was trying to be democratic with that last one). These things clue you in to what you WANT to be doing, without the opportunity to give yourself all kinds of reasons why you can’t do it or why it won’t work. They are a great way to perform listening maintenance. Julia Cameron also presented the concept of an Artist’s Date in The Artist’s Way based on a similar idea of keeping tabs on yourself by doing things you really enjoy. My dates have included rummaging through JoAnn Fabrics and the paper aisle at Target, visiting the museum, taking a staycation in the country, and meditating at a Buddhist Zen Center, for example. It’s all good and it will all keep you moving in the right direction.

• Read or listen to something uplifting. This is so easy to do with all the content available out there and can remind you of what’s important to you. I often do this while walking, which somehow gives me a bit of extra brain power to figure things out too.

• Talk it out. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with my mother. It is wonderful to talk with someone who knows you better than you know yourself, who wraps everything they send your way in love, and who has the benefit of having some major life experience. I also have beautiful friends that are there for me when I need them too. Talking, laughing, sharing, and figuring it all out in the process is kind of our birthright as women. It’s useful plus it’s just good for the soul.

• Daydream and visualize. I did this at work a lot (shhhh…don’t tell anyone). I allowed my mind to roam free and explore the future I wanted. What does a day in your life look like 5 or 10 years from now or even longer? What do your children who are now adults in your vision say about you? If you can manage to quiet the self-limiting talk, this can be so enjoyable and informative and is a great way to keep tuning in.

• Make it a routine. These things have become so dear to me that I’ve made them spiritual practices I do every day (ideally in the morning) and marry with some sort of physical activity and a bit of day planning. When I practice them routinely, everything just seems to go better. I am more organized, I take steps in the right direction, I’m easier and more at peace. Perhaps it’s the magic of the Universe or the practicalities of being more disciplined but regardless, its good.

A quick note on time. Here’s what I know. We tend to make time for what we find most important. We all have our shit and while we may talk about how we just don’t have time to implement something that will allow us to tune in, I think we all know better. So rather than offer up that, ehem, excuse (just saying), give me some suggestions that might work. Is it zenning on the way to class in the morning? Ditching the coffee break for a journaling session? Or something else? I’ll start. I have two small children and making space for myself doesn’t work out perfectly every day. I take time when I can. Often, I meditate while breastfeeding or listen to something on Audible while walking with my tiniest bean in an Ergo. I go to sleep with the kiddies so I can get up before them and do my thing. And, like it or not, my house isn’t always the cleanest. Many times my morning routine takes the whole damn day and that’s okay too. UPDATE (1.12.25): Being connected to and aligned with myself is my ideal so the idea of an all-day practice and holding it in that way has been so helpful for me. One it frees me from the need to somehow get it all “done” - meditation, journaling, etc. - in my first waking hour. It also has the effect of me checking in throughout the day which helps me stay tethered.

Each step along my path has become a little act of faith. Each one, a declaration that I know who I am and trust the truth of myself. They add up and they all point to a willingness to work in concert with universal truth. I encourage you to listen to you. Your heart knows what you want and where you want to go and, I believe, the Universe knows how to get you there, even when you can’t see it. Whether the steps are clear or taken in the dark, the destination is the same. You’ll arrive and so will I and we’ll have tea together.

Love in all things,

April Eileen

P.S. Check out Purpose Part 1: Uncovering for more.