Valentine’s Day: Away from B.S. and Back to Basics
“Love is the reason for everything. ” — Aimee, Collateral Beauty
Guys, I have been seriously struggling with what the heck to post for Valentine’s Day and it makes no sense at all. I am the biggest romantic of all time. Truth. Trust me. I love hearts and bubbles and butterflies and rainbows and moon beams and all things pretty. For all intents and purposes, Valentine’s Day should be my holiday. Toward the end of last year, before shit got real and I had to put pen to paper, I timed the Life and Lovely Things re-introduction to the public for Valentine’s Day. Seemed like a perfect time given the obvious synergies between the brand and the holiday. And yet here I am…without the words I thought I would have.
“Love is the reason for everything. ”
Guys, I have been seriously struggling with what the heck to post for Valentine’s Day and it makes no sense at all. I am the biggest romantic of all time. Truth. Trust me. I love hearts and bubbles and butterflies and rainbows and moon beams and all things pretty. For all intents and purposes, Valentine’s Day should be my holiday. Toward the end of last year, before shit got real and I had to put pen to paper, I timed the Life and Lovely Things re-introduction to the public for Valentine’s Day. Seemed like a perfect time given the obvious synergies between the brand and the holiday. And yet here I am…without the words I thought I would have.
Blank screen by rawpixel
So here are the words I do have. Turns out, universal Love Day has slowly but surely crept into company with other once magical, now sad holidays that require obligatory actions and provide little meaning in return. It began with the legend of St. Valentine marrying soldiers in defiance of the head of state who thought married soldiers were bad for war. Said St. V was thrown in jail, where he fell in love with the daughter of the jailer, writing her a love letter signed “from your Valentine.” Doesn’t that make you just want to swoon? Here we are nearly two thousand years later, buying high-fructose corn syrup-laden chocolate and cheesy cards. How did we get here?
Wine glasses and bouquet of roses by rawpixel
If you buy into the hype, one of two scenarios generally happens on Valentine’s Day. Scenario One. You and your mate are love-struck. You go out all the time. You do things together. You don’t have crumb snatchers or if you do, you have magically managed to keep your relationship a priority and tend to it as such. V-Day ensues and you – get this – go out, do something together. Well, yeah, but you do that anyway because you’re love-struck, remember? You two follow the prescribed list of stale to-do’s put forth by the powers that be but you secretly wonder why you’re doing it. We don’t need these things to share our love. Nothing about them is special, you think.
Scenario Two: You and significant other are not exactly connected. Significant other buys obligatory flowers, a card, and chocolate. You then act surprised when you get said flowers, card, and chocolate. The two of you go out on a date and you mentally prepare yourself to have sex afterward. The stupid thing is that you actually love significant other but rather than use V-Day to try to connect with him authentically, you follow the same prescribed list of stale to-do’s, which produces a stale result.
I’ve been tethered, at one point or another, to both situations. In either case, I found the forced romance thing to be just damnit dumb. I thought about mentally torching the tradition in its entirety but I am sentimental, after all, and unable to part with any of my holidays. Better minds prevailed and instead, I added it to my chart. What is my chart, you ask? I’d love to share! I created a Powerpoint chart (because what else would a neurotic ex-corporate marketer use) of holidays, what they mean to me at their core, and how I can revamp them to make them more authentic. Like many other things in my life, I’ve taken to basically blowing up my holidays, keeping the good bits, tossing the rest, and adding some stuff to make them more meaningful to ME.
Let me know what you think of this. What if V-Day was less about romance and more about DEEP appreciation. Romance, after all, is more of an effect of the appreciation and admiration we have for another person to which we also happen to be attracted. It’s more of a symptom, a by-product, and therefore it can’t really be manufactured in isolation.
With this slight mental shift, I started to get really excited. I started thinking about all the things I truly appreciate and not just about my mister but about my children, my extended family, myself, and my work. I came across a note I had written to my family some time ago, shortly after the birth of my premature daughter. I read it, I cried, I sent it and I savored every response. I started to think about some of the ways I could combine the things I appreciated. Love of beautiful children meets love of beautiful food and a beautiful V-Day breakfast idea complete with heart-shaped pancakes, sparkling cider flutes, and rose petals was born. (See my lovely list of V-day activities for more and I’ll let you know how it turns out.) I took some time to appreciate my husband – his quirks and qualities - and realized the mad dash to Walgreen’s for a hallmark card isn’t necessary. We’re all good. French fries, drinks at a bar, and simply enjoying each other’s company in the great metropolis of Dayton, Ohio is just perfect (grandma lives in Dayton…when you have tiny beans, you take what you can get).
Yes, deep appreciation. That’s what this holiday means to me going forward. Valentine’s Day provides an opportunity to stop and appreciate. Appreciate until tears fall. Appreciate until your heart cracks open. Appreciate until all you see is Love – real, genuine, authentic Love. I want that for you and I want that for me.
Torn heart by Kelly Sikkema
Love in all things,
April Eileen
P.S. Don’t forget to check out my other V-day posts - What’s Lovely on Valentine’s Day and February’s Quotes from the Classics - for more love!
What’s Lovely on Valentine’s Day
“The authentic self is soul made visible” — Sarah Ban Breathnach
If you’ve checked out my post, Valentine’s Day: Away from B.S. and Back to Basics, you know I’m all about authentic displays of affection – displays that come from a place of genuine appreciation. I’ve been thinking about the season less in terms of manufacturing romance and more in terms of savoring and appreciating the life in front of us, which I’ve found, often results in being romantically inclined anyway. What’s Lovely on Valentine’s Day? Freeing ourselves from anything that falls short of authenticity. Here’s a list of things that will help us keep the love real.
“The authentic self is soul made visible”
If you’ve checked out my post, Valentine’s Day: Away from B.S. and Back to Basics, you know I’m all about authentic displays of affection – displays that come from a place of genuine appreciation. I’ve been thinking about the season less in terms of manufacturing romance and more in terms of savoring and appreciating the life in front of us, which I’ve found, often results in being romantically inclined anyway. What’s Lovely on Valentine’s Day? Freeing ourselves from anything that falls short of authenticity. Here’s a list of things that will help us keep the love real.
Hearts by freestocks.org
Self-love. It all starts with self. You cannot give what you don’t have. Period. Let’s kick-off this season’s love fest by reflecting on what we appreciate about ourselves and our lives. Let’s also do something special just for the one looking back in the mirror. I am totally watching Pride and Prejudice…alone…with wine. That way, I can sit silly-smiling at the TV and mouthing the lines along with Lizzy and Mr. Darcy with no one judging. It’s my absolute favorite movie.
Beauty. What other holiday allows for unfettered loveliness? I am absolutely indulging and making a beautiful breakfast. I am planning heart-shaped pancakes and sparkling apple cider for the littles served in flutes on a bed of pink and white rose petals. I did the flutes for an event I put together – Dinner and Dessert in the Dark – and the display turned out beautifully. Update: Here is the spread I put together. Breakfast for dinner and kombucha instead of cider but lovely all the same. :-)
Heart-felt communication. If there ever was a day to communicate genuinely, this would be the day to do it. A few days ago, I kicked off the season of appreciation by sending my family something I wrote to them a while back about how they saved me when my daughter was born prematurely. It was raw and beautiful and it felt so good to really acknowledge them, thank them, and share how much I love them all. As an added bonus, it turns out that praising others not only makes the receiver happy, it also adds some serious joy to your life as well, according to Shawn Achor, happiness researcher. What a wonderful Valentine’s Day gift to others and to yourself. Also, the love season might provide a perfect opportunity to dust off the stationary and paper goodies. if you’ve seen my post, The Art of Communication, you’ll understand why I think analogue tools sometimes more readily allow for authentic communication. I’m sharing something hand written with my husband and also crafting some proper valentines with the kiddies.
Updated Tradition. Let’s be honest. The heart-shaped boxes of toxic chocolate could use a bit of updating. Am I right? Chocolate, seen as an aphrodisiac, was all about setting the scene for romance. I think it could be used equally as effectively to accommodate my new approach to Valentine’s Day of savoring and appreciating. Chocolate could easily set the scene for reflecting on and appreciating all of the sweetness in life and it’s easy to enjoy. Nothing like a hot beverage to assist in reflection so this year, I’m doing hot chocolate made with organic almond milk, TJ’s dark chocolate, and decent marshmallows (I’ll deal with the sugar-crazed kids later). On my list for V-Days to come? Chocolate art – either buying or taking a class. Think Vosges Haute-Chocolat or Guilt Chocolate. I would also love to do a proper chocolate and wine tasting again. My husband and I did a spectacular tasting in Napa Valley at Rutherford Ranch and it’s been too long since I’ve done something similar.
Simplicity. I’m excited about my V-Day plans and even more excited that they’re coming from a place that resonates with me. That said, I know the magic will quickly dissipate if I let myself get frenzied. In order to stay stress-free during this holiday (and all the others, for that matter), I’m keeping things simple. My activities are going to be spread out over a few days, rather than trying to cram everything into one day and make it all perfect. I’m also about having people help out wherever possible. There may be fewer carrot sticks and more PB&J’s if my husband handles lunches, for example, but that will give me a chance to focus on other holiday activities. The mister and I have also decided to keep our alone time simple too. We’re doing french fries and drinks at a restaurant bar in the bustling metropolis of Dayton, Ohio! That’s where the babysitter, errr grandma, lives. We’re going to forget the fluff and just enjoy each other’s company! Win!
So there’s the list. What would you add?
Love in all things,
April Eileen
P.S. Don’t forget to check out my other V-day posts - Valentine’s Day: Away from B.S. and Back to Basics and February’s Quotes from the Classics - for more love!
Quotes from the Classics: February
Love is in the air! Let’s kick off Love Month with some classic quotes about affection, intimacy, and endearment. Included are beautiful words by Paul Lawrence Dunbar, in celebration and recognition of both love and black history and culture.
Love is in the air! Let’s kick off Love Month with some classic quotes about affection, intimacy, and endearment. Included are beautiful words by Paul Lawrence Dunbar, in celebration and recognition of both love and black history and culture.
Red rose by Jamie Street
“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.”
“He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete.”
“And what is a kiss, specifically? A pledge properly sealed, a promise seasoned to taste, a vow stamped with the immediacy of a lip, a rosy circle drawn around the verb ‘to love.’ A kiss is a message too intimate for the ear, infinity captured in the bee’s brief visit to a flower, secular communication with an aftertaste of heaven, the pulse rising from the heart to utter its name on a lover’s lip: ‘Forever.”
“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.”
“Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.”
“Come when the nights are bright with stars
Or come when the moon is mellow;
Come when the sun his golden bars
Drops on the hay-field yellow.
Come in the twilight soft and gray,
Come in the night or come in the day,
Come, O love, whene’er you may,
And you are welcome, welcome.”
Love in all things,
April Eileen
P.S. Don’t forget to check out my other V-day posts - Valentine’s Day: Away from B.S. and Back to Basics and What’s Lovely on Valentine’s Day - for more love!