Purpose Part 2: Listening

“For the sense of being which in calm hours rises, we know not how, in the soul, is not diverse from things, from space, from light, from time, from man, but one with them, and proceeds obviously from the same source whence their life and being also proceed.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

I recently wrote a post about finding purpose and discussed ways I began to discover who I was and what I wanted. It has been rewarding to hone in but I’m learning that’s just the beginning. Now that I have the what, my focus is on the how. How do I express myself and bring my desires into being? There are dozens of books on the subject of goal setting, effective execution, etc. and I will likely get to those subjects in time. For now, I’d like to talk about an important step I had to take even before I could do any of that.

I had to figure out how to hear myself. What was true? Should I follow my gut reaction? Was that intuition or something else? I had to learn to listen and I don’t mean the kind of listening you do with earbuds. I mean listening to your whole being with every resource you can bring to bear until you are intimate with yourself…every second, every minute, every hour, every day. That’s the goal. Idealistic? Sure. Impossible? I wouldn’t be striving for it if I thought so. I’m coming to recognize my voice and I gotta tell ya – it ain’t the voice that tells me what I should be doing to avoid being afraid, or the voice that over-analyses everything trying to prove nothing will work, or the voice that encourages me to chase what is logical but certainly not aligned with me. The more I recognize myself, the more I begin to trust me and the more confident I am in acting on my truth. I listen. I listen to what’s in my heart-space and here are a few of my go-to methods for doing it:

• Meditation and quiet moments. No-brainer, right? I went about meditation a bit differently from the way I’d heard it was done. When I first began, I didn’t try to shut my brain up. Instead, I tried to hear what was going on up there. It helped me recognize mind chatter and allowed me to become much more familiar with my thought patterns. Shortly thereafter, I was able to more easily see actual insights. These days the latter is what I’m after, along with much needed peace, but if I have a restless morning, I don’t berate myself. I figure it’s just my mind needing some attention so I simply listen as I did when I first began. Check out Calm if you’re interested in starting a practice.

Be still and know mug and book by Aaron Burden

• Morning Pages. This has got to be the single coolest thing I discovered from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. It’s basically a 3-page stream of consciousness written at an ungodly hour in the morning. Waking up 30-45 minutes earlier than I normally would to do a brain dump might sound like one of Dante’s 9 levels of hell but it is incredibly helpful for so many reasons. First, it allows me to offload heavy and negative thoughts (I have two young kids so many times, I pick them all back up again during the day but that’s a different post). Second, it helps me sort through all the to-do’s that clutter up the mind and distract. Third, and this may just be me, but writing when I first wake up allows me to tap into something that is long gone when I’m in the throes of the afternoon hours. It’s something that is far less inhibited and far more intuitive and often some really creative things come up – ideas, solutions hidden in plain sight, etc. Finally, I can see what’s really important. I may write very clearly and passionately about a particular subject or it may come up often – all indicators that I should think about it more or do something about it.

• Do what you love. This is not a big grandiose statement proclaiming that there is one thing to which you must commit your entire existence. In fact, taking the approach of over-analyzing every interest, every personality trait, every insight to discover the one big thing I was supposed to do had me on a treadmill for like 15 years. I’m simply suggesting grabbing the forgotten paint brush, taking an improv class, or playing around with that Excel spreadsheet (okay, I was trying to be democratic with that last one). These things clue you in to what you WANT to be doing, without the opportunity to give yourself all kinds of reasons why you can’t do it or why it won’t work. They are a great way to perform listening maintenance. Julia Cameron also presented the concept of an Artist’s Date in The Artist’s Way based on a similar idea of keeping tabs on yourself by doing things you really enjoy. My dates have included rummaging through JoAnn Fabrics and the paper aisle at Target, visiting the museum, taking a staycation in the country, and meditating at a Buddhist Zen Center, for example. It’s all good and it will all keep you moving in the right direction.

• Read or listen to something uplifting. This is so easy to do with all the content available out there and can remind you of what’s important to you. I often do this while walking, which somehow gives me a bit of extra brain power to figure things out too.

• Talk it out. Anyone who knows me knows I’m obsessed with my mother. It is wonderful to talk with someone who knows you better than you know yourself, who wraps everything they send your way in love, and who has the benefit of having some major life experience. I also have beautiful friends that are there for me when I need them too. Talking, laughing, sharing, and figuring it all out in the process is kind of our birthright as women. It’s useful plus it’s just good for the soul.

• Daydream and visualize. I did this at work a lot (shhhh…don’t tell anyone). I allowed my mind to roam free and explore the future I wanted. What does a day in your life look like 5 or 10 years from now or even longer? What do your children who are now adults in your vision say about you? If you can manage to quiet the self-limiting talk, this can be so enjoyable and informative and is a great way to keep tuning in.

• Make it a routine. These things have become so dear to me that I’ve made them spiritual practices I do every day (ideally in the morning) and marry with some sort of physical activity and a bit of day planning. When I practice them routinely, everything just seems to go better. I am more organized, I take steps in the right direction, I’m easier and more at peace. Perhaps it’s the magic of the Universe or the practicalities of being more disciplined but regardless, its good.

A quick note on time. Here’s what I know. We tend to make time for what we find most important. We all have our shit and while we may talk about how we just don’t have time to implement something that will allow us to tune in, I think we all know better. So rather than offer up that, ehem, excuse (just saying), give me some suggestions that might work. Is it zenning on the way to class in the morning? Ditching the coffee break for a journaling session? Or something else? I’ll start. I have two small children and making space for myself doesn’t work out perfectly every day. I take time when I can. Often, I meditate while breastfeeding or listen to something on Audible while walking with my tiniest bean in an Ergo. I go to sleep with the kiddies so I can get up before them and do my thing. And, like it or not, my house isn’t always the cleanest. Many times my morning routine takes the whole damn day and that’s okay too. UPDATE (1.12.25): Being connected to and aligned with myself is my ideal so the idea of an all-day practice and holding it in that way has been so helpful for me. One it frees me from the need to somehow get it all “done” - meditation, journaling, etc. - in my first waking hour. It also has the effect of me checking in throughout the day which helps me stay tethered.

Each step along my path has become a little act of faith. Each one, a declaration that I know who I am and trust the truth of myself. They add up and they all point to a willingness to work in concert with universal truth. I encourage you to listen to you. Your heart knows what you want and where you want to go and, I believe, the Universe knows how to get you there, even when you can’t see it. Whether the steps are clear or taken in the dark, the destination is the same. You’ll arrive and so will I and we’ll have tea together.

Love in all things,

April Eileen

P.S. Check out Purpose Part 1: Uncovering for more.

Purpose Part 1: Uncovering

“A man should learn to detect and watch the gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within...”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance

A little over two years ago, one of my best friends asked me if I had any insights that could help her find her purpose. She saw me over the years diligently searching for my own and thought I would be in a good position to help. It was true. I had done everything under the sun to find my life purpose (why it was so buried in the first place is a topic for a different post), so I listed for my friend several things she could do to discover hers – a curated catalogue of only what I found helpful. “This is really good content for a blog post,” she emailed. And here I am, two years later, with a blog and something to post.

I have found that when people are looking for their purpose, what they are really searching for is an end goal that will allow for a richer, more meaningful day to day life. They believe purpose necessitates the path forward and the quality of the journey. It certainly can but it doesn’t have to. There are many, many ways to add color to life and make it more fulfilling (discovering all of them is kind of my passion). I’ve also known people that simply take steps that feel good without having any clue as to the end destination and look up realizing they’ve been on a desirable path all along. For anal-retentive planners like myself, however, having at least a rough idea of purpose is like having a beacon that lights a possible path toward reaching one’s potential, and provides some much needed direction.

How wonderful is it that we all get to craft a direction in life that fits with who we are and what we want? This is exciting, motivating, and entirely doable. The biggest trouble is not in choosing a path but in choosing one that fits. This is so hard because often we can’t hear our own voices and even if we can, we don’t recognize them as our own. The voice that tells you who you are and what you want is often drowned out by the voices of others sharing their expectations, their feedback, their judgments, their views of the world, etc.

Fulfill your destiny chalk drawing by Danica Tanjut

The first step in my process for finding purpose was uncovering myself. I use the word uncovering because I wasn’t so much lost as I was buried for so long that I forgot and could no longer see myself. Uncovering was the worthy work that I undertook for years – trying to recognize my face amid the myriad masks I wore and hear my voice amongst the chatter of everyone else’s. When the dust started to settle, what I found was so familiar. I realized I had it all the time. It was the undeniable truth that I am exactly the same person I was when I was 5 years old. Notebooks, planners, journals, sticky notes, pens, paints and colored pencils have given way to Powerpoint decks, communication plans, and website creation. Putting together a sleepover for my childhood friends is now planning Holiday Pancakes and Pajamas. I’m still trying to understand the world, still a dedicated romantic in love with beauty, and still love a good book.

Worthy work is fun. It is worthy because it is in service of a worthy purpose (such as bringing your gifts into the world so we can all benefit) vs. and egotistical one (such as needing to succeed so you can feel whole). It flows. It’s easy. There is no unnecessary urgency to it. While this is work that can take years (especially if you don’t have one succinct passion such as playing music), there is no earthly reason why it can’t and shouldn’t be joyous. So if you’re ready to re-discover yourself and your purpose, there are a number of things that can provide clues:

• Take Tests. There are tons of them and they are a great way to get a basic sense of yourself. I’ve used Myers-Briggs, Strong Interest Inventory and StrengthsFinder most effectively. UPDATE (1.12.25): I also Love Sparketype by Jonathan Fields and, if you are not opposed to something a bit more woo-woo, the whole Human Design framework is quite interesting too.

• Answer probing questions. One of the most effective questions I’ve asked myself – thanks to a suggestion in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way – is Who am I jealous of? That question gives major clues into what you want. You’re jealous because someone else has something you want and think you deserve. If you can keep your eyes from becoming too green, they might see the gift of some serious insight about what you should be going after. A second, equally effective question, is What values am I raising my children with? For those of us who are parents, this is a good one too because chances are you are raising your children with values that are actually your own. Here’s one more: If you had everything you needed, what would you be doing anyway? Seriously, imagine yourself with all of your bills paid and all of your needs met. What’s still there? That’s your schtick, your jam, the thing you probably did as a kid. At the very least, it’s a big clue. Play around with this as pretty much every book or google inquiry on finding purpose suggests questions you can ask yourself.

• Read. I read all the time - classics, personal development books, memoirs, books on spirituality, good fiction, etc. I’m usually reading more than one work at a time and there isn’t a time when my office isn’t cluttered with stacks of books. Certainly, there are some great texts on the subject of life direction and purpose finding (The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard Bolles, Do What You Are by Barbara Barron and Paul Tieger, to name a few). However, simply reading what you find enjoyable can be as or more important in discovering your secrets as books specifically written about self-discovery. For example, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love opened me up to exploring different spiritual points of view and clued me in to a sleeping desire for adventure; and the classics I read usually present universal life truths which also excite me. Many of our own desires have already been spelled out by others in a way that helps us remember and understand.

• Write it all down. I’m a writer and the act of writing helped me make sense of all of this so that I could build on what mattered and toss out what didn’t.

• Question anything that resonates. Ask yourself why it resonates with you. It could be something as simple as a few words written in a book or as big as the time you went paragliding in Europe. It all has something to tell you. UPDATE (1.12.25): Also question anything that makes you cry.

• List your likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. These can be found in all walks of life. What skills are you praised for in your current job? What did you find most enjoyable on your last vacation? What are your hobbies?

• Heed the advice of others.

  • There are tons of TED talks that are helpful. Check out How to Find Your Purpose in 5 Minutes by Adam Leipzig or Why You Will Fail to Have a Great Career by Larry Smith, for example.

  • Questioning your parents about your childhood can shed light because, and this is my firm belief, we don’t change all that much. You’ve likely been at “your work,” as my daughter calls it, for some time. Chances are that by now you’re so adept at it you may even take it for granted and find it hidden in plain sight.

  • I picked up a specific tool from a book called How to Find Your Personal Path to Success by Robin Chaddock. She suggests that your purpose = your key strength + your key passion. It should only be two words. Landing on two words from the countless words available in the English language requires you to be very choiceful. Sorting through the tiny distinctions between creativity and inspiration, for example, allows you to discover nuances about yourself that you might not have otherwise discovered.

  • Use a simple method of listing the first words or phrases that come to mind when you ask yourself about your purpose until you land on one that resonates or craft a few sentences from any of the words or phrases that are most meaningful. Here’s an interesting article that shares a method like this

There you go. This list is definitely not exhaustive but I hope it’s helpful. I used these tools to begin a self-discovery process that allowed me to choose a more authentic path. It has been my responsibility to fine-tune along the way and I suspect I will be fine-tuning for the rest of my life. I encourage you to note all the tiny insights and little epiphanies. There may not be a grand eureka moment when all the pieces fit perfectly together. The path may not be laid out before you in perfect order. Where would the creativity be in that? Reality is a little messier and a little lovelier. For more on the subject of purpose, check out the next post.

Love in all things,

April Eileen

P.S. Check out Purpose Part 2: Listening for more.